I just had a client tell me he wanted to change but he wasn’t interested in reviewing any of his long held beliefs. So I said “you want to change but you don’t want to change anything you believe?” and he said “yes……..” and I said “the coaching is about overcoming self sabotage right, not making sure you keep it……..you know that right?”. We both had a good laugh and started in with the coaching regardless, even though it was obvious he realized change was coming and that he was terrified of doing anything different in his life or even thinking different thoughts. Again the child brain is like this….and lots of self sabotage is about the child brain still being active in adulthood.
The child brain needs everything the same, in order to feel safe. That’s why you hear many children say, “I want the same cereal, in the same bowl, with the same spoon, in the same high chair” and if they don’t get it……the fear response is way in access of what’s actually being faced. Familiar is safe and the unfamiliar can hold unexpected dangers. Self sabotage often results from a form or arrested development, where the person can’t quite make it over the finish line in their adult life, because they drag child like thinking structures with them into their adult world. I am happy to report that this client, after our session, is well on his way to assessing if his daily behaviors are stemming from his child ego or his adult ego. Adults don’t need to seek out the familiar in order to feel safe. Real adults are always safe, no matter what, because they’re competent adults and they can handle what ever life throws at them. Familiar or not, adults can handle all of it. Healing is happening.